Tag Archives: heliocentricbullshit

Guided by voices [1]

vol 102

A topic that is not as dear to my heart as it should be is the art of sexual intercourse. Last week i sampled one of the three podcasts a german newspaper released on the topic. The goal of it being to right a few myths surrounding sex. It was not the first podcast about the topic i listened to but it had the same problem i had with the once before it. The presentation is to sexy.
Of course one could argure that this is the point of such a programm. To educate people the teacher should make the impression of actually being knowledgable. And sex is actually a good metaphor because like humans it has evolved. The act itself fulfills the same basic function of the means to keep the species going. But over time it has also become a leisure activity. We can prevent the conception of a child and thus focus on the fun part of it. I enjoy hearing a smooth, deep voice talking about sex in a playful manner. For educational purposes though i’d prefer a dry approach. Or to “make me a baby” to ride the metaphor into the sunset.
I remember the first time the local school system tried to explain to me where babys come from. A then recent documentary on the topic was procured. It was worth the money, it showed me things i was never able to imagine the process to look like. It was strange to learn that the penis is used for more than expelling waste[2]. What i remember to this day is the filmed ejaculation. I can’t say for sure if they shoved a camera down a guy’s wiener for this. It was the late 80’s and vhs recorders you could shoulder for an hour without pain were the GoPro’s of the time. So in hinsight the scene might have been a set. Anyway, we saw a rosy coloured tunnel. The voice over told us about the location and that we are about to wittness the wonder of creation. And then the whole thing went in the direction of Temple Of Doom. A gush of liquid came around the corner. And that is a good summarization of the whole thing. The insight we got was amazing but we never saw people bone. Took me a while until i realized that you have to combine the no-no parts. With the image described you know how the process looks like in detail but not the activity itself.
So here is my dilemma, sex does not frustrate me but i’m unsure about my performance. People who try to help me but make the impression of being super sure of themselves aren’t helping. Being to passive and professional leaves me wondering. TV and movies aren’t the best teachers. And the amount of porn we have access to these days will make sure that my offspring will be even more bewildered.
Which is a strangely comforting thought.

Thanks for your time!
Stay cosmic

———

[1] good music from an overlooked band that inspired this title Guided by voices – Game of pricks
[2] mean people could say that the second function might be a way to create more waste

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Age appropriate for an appropriate age

vol 101

The latest episode of the Force Ghost Coast To Coast podcast[1] host Brian Salvador had a special guest. His five year old daughter Joined him to talk about Star Wars. They have an adorable conversation[2] but are five years of life enough time for preperation? There were parents who brought their three year old kids to The Force Awakens. Not all kids are alike and parents should be able to judge what is appropriate for their offspring. Yet, some parents took their kids to the toilet when Kylo showed his Dad how deep they drilled into the planet. There even is a fan edit that shows Han’s demise to be a trigger happy Stormtrooper.
Of course i’m looking forward to introducing my kid to Star Wars; given the fact that it shows interest in it. Yet there are parents that leave the impression of forcing their kid to like the same stuff as them or something predetermined. Is that a manifestation of fear of rejection? And shouldn’t we know from our own experience that we did reject most if the things our parents liked? Later we might realize that we were wrong or that there are certain things we can enjoy together.
Aren’t mentioned parents the reason that the regulation rock got loose? Talking about methods of upbringing is a soil field[3]. With some people acting as if you challenged them to a duell for suggesting an alternative. The discussion about a clothing “for boys” being the reason for a girl toddler to turn gay is a thing i experienced. “The kid has no knowledge about gender yet and you’re thinking about it’s sexuality?” is also a bad argument to make if you don’t want the discussion to last long.
My dad recently told me the following:

We were raised to be confident and with 22 you’re still feeling like the world bows to you. And then a kid comes along and becomes a huge challenge that makes you feel like kneeling before the world. But every other parent you meet acts confident, like they have it figured all out. On the second look though you notice that they’re in the same boat. You smell it in the alcohol on the breath of the men, from fleeing the situation by saying that they’ll scheduled for overtime. You see it in the red, tired eyes of the mothers. And when they announce that a sibling is on the way, it sounds like an obituary read out by a comedian.
I think it is a good thing that parents today allow themselves to be human and not pretend to be more than they are.”

I guess my point is to try and keep my kid from watching Robocop at the age of six.
By then some crazy guy will have sold cyberzombies to patrol the streets anyway.


[1] Force Ghost Coast to Coast: Minisode: The Next Generation of Star Wars Fan
[2] two times i felt like Dad demanded to much from his kid, there is to much going on in those movies, it’s amazing she remembered as much
[3] because the ground is made of primed mines with soil in between them

voice only

vol 99

Thuesday night i read an article about the alterations made to Superman II[1]. In the back of my head my mind rattled down a list of movies that we’re probablynever going to see redone in that way. The only thing i came up with was Rogue One – A Star Wars Story.
I’m aware that the reshoots for this movie are nothing exceptional. But how would Gareth Edward’s true vision for it looked like. Because while he is fit to illustrate Star Wars directing is not his strong suit. And with a weak story like Rogue One’s a firmer hand would have helped[2].
Enter Ron Howard.
Phil Lord and Chris Miller, they were the only reason to look forward to the Han Solo movie[3]. They’re brand of sugar rush movies would have been an interesting thing to see. Reading that director Colin Trevorrow and Lucasfilm decided to part ways on the production of Episode IX is a move that makes me hope for a better movie. I only know him from Jurrasic World, but that movie wouldn’t have been as well received if it came out before Guardians Of The Galaxy.

No director plans to do a bad job. And with Star Wars they wouldn’t; it’s a thing you can put in your resume with the boldest font known to mankind. But i think it was Kenneth Branagh who said on the commentary for Thor:

This job is like an audiobook. You are hired to read it not to write it.

And that is something we see in video games too. The recipes are almost the same the seasoning is different. There is a rumor that Lucasfilm is not interested in working with "fresh" directors anymore. But the thing is: should there be directors cast for Marvel and Star Wars movies anymore? Could they be Lead Designers in that regard?
How come that Rian Johnson has sailed the directorial ship through the waters of Lucasfilm without any noteworthy troubles? Because he is a filmmaker with a unique sense of humor and vision. i'd rather thought he'd part over differences. The difference between him and Mr. Treverrow could be the lengths they are willing to walk (away).


[1] Sequart.org – Remembering and Celebrating Superman II – The Richard Donner Cut
[2] Recently i had a very civilized conversation with a person about how the “prequel” novel and the novelization of Rogue One helped the movie, but my opposite in that talk never even considered that there are people who’d have needed that knowledge to be conveyed in the cinema.
[3] And Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian. But i’d rather see a Lando movie directed by Lord Miller. Perhaps even with the idea from the expanded universe that Lando was considered as a template for the clone army because it would have goven us the opportunity to see Billy Dee Williams alongside Donald Glover!

Forked Friday II

vol 98

I was the third person to enter the local TRU on this Force Friday. The third of eight, we were four couples where the men were the reasons for being there.
I did not get any bonus out of my placement because it seems like they already had the stuff out for either a day or a while. Three full complements of Black Series figures were out, which is kind of amazing, and of course the 3.75″ figures that we will find caseloads of in a few years; namely Rose, ….her sister the Gunner….Paige (who could forget her), ol’ pasty face Hux, Chewbacca and 3PO. Chewbacca has a Porg (resistance is futile!) in the blister! Why does nobody buy him? I’m just glad that customers seem to dislike Hux the most, nothing like the Finn-cident from two years ago[1].
I picked up a Black Series Hera figure to complete my Rebels set and all of the 3.75″ figures. Trying to get the figures from the online presence of the local TRU wasn’t a good idea, because they were sold out of everything except Hux again. But what bummed me out is: The new gimmick of the toy line borrows from the Phantom Menace one, place the figures near an extra accessory and it plays phrases and sounds in accordance to the figure or vehicle; Hasbro calls it Force Link[2], and while every figure has the logo of the cashgrab as big as the franchise logo on the figures packaging, the thing was not available in store or online. I even saved up enough money to get the BB-8 Stardestroyer set that comes with the Force Link glove at a ridiculous high price but that wasn’t on shelves as well. Not even the new Lego sets were there. And this feeds into a discussion that came up at work a few days ago: why are local businesses struggling? Because i bought the damn Force Link set from Amazon and then went to an ebay seller from the states that from time to time helps me out with getting Star Wars related figures and bought a whole case of 3.75″ figures and the two pack sets for the price that the figures from the case would have cost at TRU with shipping and import tax.

I’m aware this is all superfluous and i’m ashamed that i spend so much energy on the topic and anger leads to hate and so on, but i don’t get it, even if kids are done with toys, i walked in there willing to spend a lot of money and all i get is “uhhhh, nobody wants this shit, go away and buy it somewhere else”.

BUT there was a highlight! When the cashier, an asian woman, picked up the Rose figure she took a closer look and said “She looks like me.” to which i answered: “isn’t it awesome?” and we both smiled and went our ways.

Sorry, i had to vent.
I wanted to look like the Lego advert guy who really digs his 800 euro Millennium Falcon. He surely thinks something like “This is it guys, i’m never using my arms for anything other than keeping this baby save.” Look at his eyes and his mouth, he’s determined but happy.

lego_millennium_love

Thank You for Your time!
Stay cosmic!


[1] the Finn-cident
[2] we call it “they took away the extra weapons to make the figures a buck cheaper but earn 29 more with this thing that we totally need because we’re afraid to miss out”

Star Wars toy report: Kylo Ren

When we saw Kylo Ren’s mask for the first time in the second teaser for The Force Awakens my initial thought was “cheap Vader knock-off”. The mask reminded me of protection gear for snowboarders, not something that exactly screams villian.
But being able to handle a toy of the character changed my view of it. The mask has more of a tribal character to it, i imagine it to be a piece of ritual paraphernalia, perhaps a piece that is not unique to Kylo Ren but the uniform of the Knights Of Ren? The cloak reminds me of monks, which would fit with the rumors that he is part of an organisation that plans in cloning Vader.

So here is a shot of all the plastic iterations i currently own of Kylo Ren.

Overall i’m happy with all of them. But lets take a detailed look at all of them:

Hasbro’s 3,75 inch version

The 3,75 inch version is already a great toy. Five points of articulation might be a dealbreaker for many, but i take a well made sculpt over a crazy amount of articulation.
All the details are there, his posture is slighty hunched and makes him seem larger than any of the other characters. I dig the tip of his left shoe peeking out from under his robe in particular.
Speaking of his legs, it is nice to see that the trousers have been sculptes with a few wrinkles to look like a he is wearing a garment, even though they are part of the robe.

The price point for the 3.75″ figures bothers me. The extra weapons don’t justify the 14,99 that some vendors are charging. Would have been nice to skip the add-on parts and try to keep the price at or below 10 bucks.

Disney Store vinyl figure

This version is part of a set sold exclusievly in Disney-Stores.
At first glance, the figure looks great, put in a dynamic pose that suggest that he is either defending himself or preparing an attack, enhanced by the slight fluttering of his hood.

But there are two shortcomings:

  • Two marks on the blade of his lightsaber which are probably results of the moulding process.
  • Colour variations in the base as well as a chip in it.

Both are not that severe given the price point of the figure, about three euros per figure after shipping, and even with those shortcomings he is one of the better figures from that set.
And the cosmetic damages on the lightsaber blade and the base can be made less severe with a paintjob and some sanding paper.

Hasbro 6 inch Black Series

My favourite version so far. It seems i was lucky enough to have snatched a “good” version. The soft goods on the figure are well made and are actually enhancing his look. Vader’s cape is still a catastrophe for me (but i’m about to replace it). The robes lenght is debatable, but for me, it’s the right fit.

I’m still deceiding on wether to get Bandai’s version, which will be released under their S.H. Figuarts line of figures.
Being the maniac i am i’ll probably get it and the First Order Stormtrooper.

Next up is Poe Dameron.

Comic reviews 39/52

  • Star Wars no.9 (2015)
  • All-New Hawkeye no.5 (2015)
  • Shutter no.15 (2015)
  • Spider-Verse no.5 (2015)
  • Ivar, Timewalker no.9 (2015)
  • Inhumans – Attilan Rising no.5 (2015)
  • Weirdworld no.4 (2015)
  • Over The Garden Wall no.2 (2015)
  • He-Man – Eternity War no.10 (2015)
  • Rumble no.7 (2015)

Continue reading Comic reviews 39/52