A topic that is not as dear to my heart as it should be is the art of sexual intercourse. Last week i sampled one of the three podcasts a german newspaper released on the topic. The goal of it being to right a few myths surrounding sex. It was not the first podcast about the topic i listened to but it had the same problem i had with the once before it. The presentation is to sexy.
Of course one could argure that this is the point of such a programm. To educate people the teacher should make the impression of actually being knowledgable. And sex is actually a good metaphor because like humans it has evolved. The act itself fulfills the same basic function of the means to keep the species going. But over time it has also become a leisure activity. We can prevent the conception of a child and thus focus on the fun part of it. I enjoy hearing a smooth, deep voice talking about sex in a playful manner. For educational purposes though i’d prefer a dry approach. Or to “make me a baby” to ride the metaphor into the sunset.
I remember the first time the local school system tried to explain to me where babys come from. A then recent documentary on the topic was procured. It was worth the money, it showed me things i was never able to imagine the process to look like. It was strange to learn that the penis is used for more than expelling waste. What i remember to this day is the filmed ejaculation. I can’t say for sure if they shoved a camera down a guy’s wiener for this. It was the late 80’s and vhs recorders you could shoulder for an hour without pain were the GoPro’s of the time. So in hinsight the scene might have been a set. Anyway, we saw a rosy coloured tunnel. The voice over told us about the location and that we are about to wittness the wonder of creation. And then the whole thing went in the direction of Temple Of Doom. A gush of liquid came around the corner. And that is a good summarization of the whole thing. The insight we got was amazing but we never saw people bone. Took me a while until i realized that you have to combine the no-no parts. With the image described you know how the process looks like in detail but not the activity itself.
So here is my dilemma, sex does not frustrate me but i’m unsure about my performance. People who try to help me but make the impression of being super sure of themselves aren’t helping. Being to passive and professional leaves me wondering. TV and movies aren’t the best teachers. And the amount of porn we have access to these days will make sure that my offspring will be even more bewildered.
Which is a strangely comforting thought.
Thanks for your time!
 good music from an overlooked band that inspired this title Guided by voices – Game of pricks
 mean people could say that the second function might be a way to create more waste